Mad Mom - 7
by Karen Moline

It's so hot out that it's hard to find the energy to rant and rave, but don't worry -- I'm still mad!

I'm mad because four selfish, sick men left their homes and their families, went into London , and destroyed scores of innocent lives of their fellow countrymen, including several devout Muslims, who just wanted to go to work and earn an honest living. Instead of being embraced by voluptuous virgins in paradise, I hope these terrorists are writhing somewhere in eternal torment. Or reincarnated as cockroaches in a scummy Manhattan apartment that's about to be visited by an exterminator. And I'm really mad because here in New York , it brought back such awful memories of that terrible day in September.

I'm mad because our gormless president has dragged us into war on the most dubious of pretexts, and the entire Valerie Plame outing scandal -- done in revenge for her husband publicly contradicting White House cooked-up evidence about Iraq 's search for enriched uranium -- has degenerated into his own private Watergate. And that's because of Bush's very own Cardinal Richelieu, aka chief advisor/master of skullduggery Karl ("Hit ‘Em Where It Hurts") Rove.

In a statement to supporters, John Kerry wrote: " How many more times will Karl Rove make President Bush eat his words and shred his credibility before Karl Rove does the honorable thing and leaves the White House?

"President Bush is setting a terrible standard of leadership in the White House by protecting insubordinate aides who refused to come forward when the President demanded to know who in his administration leaked Valerie Plame's identity -- and he's sending a disturbing message about our national security.

"The President should not wait to find out whether Rove is convicted in the end for his leak. Either Rove lied to the President about this matter of national security, which means he should be fired immediately, or the President is not being straight with the American people about his own involvement in this case."

Yep, I'm mad because Rove is guilty as sin, but Georgie Boy isn't about to admit it. So first he says that anyone who lied was going to go. Now it's anyone who "committed a crime." Doubtless his legal spinners will find some loophole for Kaiser Karl to jump through so he doesn't go to the slammer. Or lose his job. Or shove his fat face into the toilet where it deserves to be flushed for all eternity!

I'm mad because this is so far the worst hurricane season on record, but our government still refuses to recognize the havoc wreaked by global warming.

I'm mad because that movie star Jude Law had an affair with his kids' weekend nanny, Daisy Wright, while on location in New Orleans, got discovered by his child while sleeping off a drunken evening with Daisy, didn't own up to it, expected Daisy cover his butt when she was pressed about it by the estranged wife, and then when Daisy was fired (what a surprise!), she sold her story to the British tabloids (what a surprise!). So Jude's fiancee, actress Sienna Miller, found out about Jude's duplicity from the Sunday papers.

Now, frankly, people do such things all the time. Mad Mom gets mad at lying, duplicity, and stupidity on basically an hourly basis, but this is human nature and it's not going to change anytime soon, is it? The reason I'm really mad about this charmless tale, is that when Daisy and Jude were getting bombed and having a late-night chat, Daisy explained that, "I had said to Jude I didn't understand why he didn't find a wife who didn't want a career and to party all the time. He said it is very hard to find a woman who wants this and that he would love that more than anything, but there aren't women like that in his line of work." Oh, so now I get it. Jude is about to cheat because Sienna has a career and isn't following him around the world like a lovesick puppy dog, aka Katie Holmes! Men like this really, really make me mad!

But don't think Mad Mom is going all soft and exonerating Sienna Miller in this sordid tale. She became involved with Jude while he was still married. Naughty, naughty. Thinking that you're going to be different when engaging in cheating is precisely the kind of narcissistic attitude that makes me really mad.

Speaking of twit celebrities, I'm still mad because Tom Cruise still can't shut his yawning, yammering yap. Someone, get him a gag, quick! You make me incandescent with white-hot madness!

MAD MOMENT OF THE MONTH

While worrying if the backpacker standing next to me in the subway is a terrorist -- an unfortunate reality now, which makes me so mad about our world -- it's not hard to ponder the powers that be at the MTA, which runs the NYC public transportation system, and worry. That's because many of the smaller stations now have unmanned booths, and the only exits have metal gates. So if there were a bombing or some other kind of incident which might necessitate a super-quick mass exit, people will be trampled to death. They won't be able to get out.

Managers of the MTA, who keep raising fares while making the subways more dangerous -- you make me mad!

MAD QUESTION OF THE MONTH

Dear Mad Mom:

My husband has this annoying habit of jangling the coins in his pocket. It's driving me crazy. What can I do?

Signed,

Nickeled and Dimed

Dear ND:

Charge him $50 for every jangle. Paid to you in coins.

Honestly, woman, what kind of wimp question is this? Speak up! Tell him to cut it out! Nicely, rudely, I don't care how. Just do it, or I'll get mad!

Love, Mad Mom